A blonde walked into a Lordco auto accessory parts store asking for a “710 cover” for her car engine. The man at the counter looked puzzled and told her he had never heard of a 710 cover. She explained that her car had always had one since new, but she noticed it was gone after the last servicing.After spending an hour checking everything in the parts catalogue and consulting several other staff members, one of the service agents asked her if she could draw a 710 cover.She held up her hands and made a circle about 2 ½ inches. He still didn't understand and patiently asked her to draw a picture for him (by that time there were several employees watching the proceedings).The woman drew a circle (with an edge like a flower) and wrote 710 inside the circle… All the employees started to laugh - why did they laugh?
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Name:___________________________
Height:____________
Social Security Number:___________________ Driver's License #:____________
Boy Scout Rank:___________________________________________________
Home Address:____________________________ City:____________________
State:____________________________ Zip Code:_______________________
How far can you run: 40 yards?_______________ 2 miles?___________________
Do you own a (A)Van?____ (B)Truck with oversized tires?_____ (C)Waterbed?_____
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?__________________________ _________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?__ _________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?__________________ _________________________________________________________________
Church you Attend:___________________ How often do you attend?____________
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and minister?_________
Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone, ever)
A Women's place is in the _________________________.
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is__________________.
In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like______________to be contacted.
My greatest fear is__________________________________________.
What do you want to be "IF" you grow up?____________________________
Have you ever been fingerprinted?______ Had a DNA sample taken and recorded?_________
Your dentist is__________________ Emergency phone #_________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT, UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE AND/OR HOT POKERS.
Signature________________________
Thank you for your interest. Please allow 5-7 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. (It could cause disqualification and injury to your body.)
woman without her man is nothing
and told his students to add punctuation to it.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
Dear Sweetheart ,
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.The ghost says, Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each, So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. Pfufffff. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. Pfufffff. and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm.
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST
LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, Listen, said the CEO, this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work? Certainly, said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. Excellent, excellent! said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. I just need one copy.
LESSON II: NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING
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NO comment
I wrote your name on sand, it got washedI wrote your name in air, it was blown away, thenI wrote your name on my heart and I got heart attack :P
God saw me hungry, He created pizza...He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi...He saw me in the dark, He created light...He saw me without problems, He created YOU.
Twinkle Twinkle Little StarYou should know what you are ,And once you know what you are ,Mental hospital is not so far
The rain makes all things beautifulThe grass and flowers tooIf rain makes all things beautifulWhy doesn't it rain on you?
Roses are red, violets are blueMonkeys like you should be kept in zooDon't feel so angry you will find me there tooNot in cage but laughing at you
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I can't tell u
A man is driving down the road and breaks down neara monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on thedoor, and says, My car broke down. Do you think Icould stay the night? the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep,he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, Wecan't tell you. You're not a monk.The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the sameman breaks down in front of the same monastery. Themonks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk. The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying toknow. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tellus how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of themonastery. He says, I have traveled the earth andhave found what you have asked for. There are145,236,284,232 blades of grass and231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth. The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where thehead monk says, The sound is right behind that door.The man reaches for the knob, but the door islocked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.Behind the wooden door is another door made ofstone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only tofind a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it wentuntil the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to thelast door.The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed tofind the source of that strange sound.. . . . But I can't tell you what it is becauseyou're not a monk. :P
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